SERIOUSLY.... is there something in the water?

Annnnd someone totally just walked into the hotel with their dog.

I give up.

I have no clue why it's so busy today...

....but everyone who's calling the hotel seems to have a low IQ.

Another fabulous conversation:

Me: Thank you for calling *hotel*, this is Lori, how may I help you?

Lady: Hi, I was there a few weeks ago and right near the desk there was a painting on the wall, of the gate of the community decorated for Christmas. Is there an artist's name on that painting?

Me: *checks* The artist is *name* and it's dedicated to Lucille LaSouit.

Lady: Is that L-U-C-I-L-E?

Me: L-u-c-i-l-l-e

Lady: and the last name? How do you spell that?

Me: L-a-S-o-u-i-t

Lady: L-a-s-o-i-t

Me:..... L-a-s-0-u-i-t

Lady: Oh. Right. Now, someone said that that was a local artist?

Me: I'm not sure.

Lady: Who would know more information about the painting?

Me: The Friends of the Hotel ********* would.

Lady: Who's the friend of the hotel?

Me: The Friends of the Hotel **********... it's the group that decorates the hotel.

Lady: They decorate the arch?

Me: What?

Lady: They decorate the arch in the painting?

Me: No... they furnish and decorate the hotel.

Lady: But the painting isn't of the hotel!

Me: No, but the painting is IN the hotel. It's in the hotel because the Friends of the Hotel put it there.

...... then i took her information and will pass it along ot the Friends of the Hotel... but my GOD that was a tedious conversation.

*sigh*

So I just picked up the phone and it was a guest that's currently at the hotel.
Our conversation is as follows:

Me: Thank you for calling *Hotel Name*, This is Lori, How may I help you?

Them: Hi, can you connect me with the Johansen's room?

Me: *Looks at screen*.... Um, what was the name?

Them: Johansen. I think they're on the 3rd floor here with me.

Me:... I don't see that name here. Could it be under a different name?

Them: Um.. it might be under the name of our band, *insert name here*.

Me: I don't see that either.. Are you at the *hotel name* or are you at *other hotel down the street that's on the same phone system as us*

Them: *Hotel name*.

Me: ....ok..... I'm looking at my screen and I don't have anyone by that name here.

Them: Well I know they're here, I just was at the continental breakfast with them!

Me: I'm sorry sir, I don't even have anyone who starts with the last name J on the third floor.

Them: My name is Jones and I'm on the third floor! I'm in room 326.

-Note: due to weird phone extension issues, the hotel down the street has rooms with numbers in the 100s, 200s, and 300s, and the hotel i work in has rooms with numbers in the 400s, 500s, and 600. Which most guests just choose to ignore and call 100s, 200s, and 300s anyway.-

Me: Sir, are you in 326 or 626?

Them: 326, I just said that!

Me: Then you must be in *the other hotel*.

Them: I thought I was in *hotel*

Me: *looks at other hotel's guest list*. They're in the room next to you. 325.

Them: Oh.


*headdesk*


Edit: My friend made the point that maybe the hotels' names just sound too similar.

They don't.

One is Hotel ********** and the other is the ********** Inn, and the *******s are COMPLETELY different words.

Forgot to post this one yesterday....

Yesterday, a woman came up to me and asked if she could speak to the manager. Since the manager wasn't in, she explained her situation to me.
Apparently, she is renting a cottage in the Chautauqua community for the week, but she forgot sheets. I talked to housekeeping and they got her some. But while we were waiting, she mentioned to someone that not only had she forgotten her sheets, she had forgotten to pack any clothes.

It gets better.

She explained that she went to a mall a half hour away and purchased some clothes, but when she got back to the cottage she "realized they were all the wrong size". So now she was just going to "wash the same clothes and wear them over and over".
How does someone forget to pack clothes!? And if they were to overlook that, and they went shopping to solve the problem, how do you get the wrong size????

Later, the SAME WOMAN came up to me.
She said that her daughter had just found a 20-dollar-bill. I told her I would call security and that they would place it in the lost and found.
She then requested that "if no one claimed it in a week, can we have it?"
I just kind of looked at her... and asked if she thought it was hers.
She stated that no, it wasn't hers, but it "wouldn't be right for the Hotel to just keep it if no one claimed it" and that she was "trying to teach [her] daughter that if you do the right thing, good things happen".
Not wanting to argue with her, I had her put the $20 in an envelope and write their contact info on it, and handed it over to security, who in turn looked at me like I was crazy.

Here's hoping I don't have to come in contact with this crazy lady again.

Someone just came up to the desk and asked me how to spell the word "athletic". It was a middle aged woman. She said that she and her husband had been "Trying to figure it out for a while now".

Wow.

Today started off rough when the poeple in charge of setting up continental breakfast didn't show up. I had to send them to the other hotel to get theirs, and they weren't pleased.

Then there was the woman who was sure that she was checking out of room 460. The problem is that this hotel doesn't have a room 460. I looked her up by her last name and she was actually in 620. Then she started to walk away... I had to remind her to turn in her keys.

A very kind gentleman also asked me to find out what kind of paint we use on the doorframes here. Because it was the "highest gloss he'd ever seen". So, I asked my buddy the maintenance guy, and luckily he knew.. rustoleum I think? Anyway. Bizzare request.

Now there are like 200 people here for the Sunday Brunch.. it's crazy loud here in the lobby. The good news is that there are just 3 more hours to go!

Most unnerving, uncomfortable conversation yet

A woman just came up to the desk and asked me if the Chautauqua was a Christian community. I responded in the affirmative. She then asked since that was the case, why did we have "those Buddhist, Hindu-like pictures up on the walls". She went on to say that they were very offensive to her.
I asked her to show me the pictures she was talking about, severely suspicious because a) this is a Christian community, b) no one has ever mentioned pictures of that nature, and c) I had certainly never seen them.

She walked me over to a print on the wall. I looked at it for a moment...
me:"I think that's actually a picture of the Virgin Mary."
her: "....oh. So this is a Catholic place then?"
me: "No, it has Methodist ties".
her: "Well, that's worshipping Mary instead of God... it really shouldn't be up there."
me:..."I see."

I then explained that the chautauqua community does try to be accepting of other cultures and religions, citing our upcoming interfaith series seminars. She asked if I "was a part of that movement".
I replied that I did not feel comfortable speaking on behalf of the entire community. She then asked if I was Methodist. I replied in the negative.
She then asked what I was.

Now, I have had an evolving relationship with my spiritual side and religious beliefs for quite some time now. I was raised in a pretty progressive Catholic Church (Not an oxymoron, but I'd understand why one would think it was). I have, however, from an early age, suffered from the fact that I tend to be a logical, analytical sort of person. This has caused me to repeatedly re-evaluate where I stand religiously. I certainly feel that my Catholic upbringing was very helpful in instilling values of social justice and compassion. However, I felt that many of the aspects of the Church's doctrine were incompatible with my own views of feminism, logic, and justice. I have explored alternate faith options, but as of this point in time I most identify with a group called the Secular Humanists. This means (in a very much summarized manner) that I do not believe in an omnipotent supreme being, but do believe in morals and tolerance.

However, I realized while speaking to this woman that it would be a bad idea to share the fact taht I am not religious (This assumption based on her lumping of two major world religions together and declaring them "offensive"). Thus, I stated that I most identify with the Unitarian Universalist church. Which is pretty accurate, because I've gone to some of their services and found them to be much more aligned with my views than other organized religions.

Luckily, this woman didn't really seem to know much about the UU Church (because if I did I'm sure I would have either been exorcised or chewed out), and seemed to drop the matter there.

A part of me is upset with myself for not feeling confident enough in my beliefs, or feeling like i'd have to apologize for them, or not having a "this is who I am, if you don't like it, then that's your problem" attitude. I realize that a large amount of this reaction was due to the fact that Im in my work clothes with the name of the Methodist Chautauqua community on my shirt, thus am representing the community at large. But part of me is still scared of confrontation when someone, particularly an adult that I know to be very religious, asks me about my beliefs.

I don't even want to go into how dispicable and un Christ-like I find this woman's beliefs... I suppose that should be for a different kind of blog.


Edited to add: I've asked a few friends to take a look at the pictures to see if they agree with my assesment of them being either Mary and Joseph or Mary and Jesus... the only thing that has been universally acknowledged is that they are creepy. I'll try to post pictures

Vocabulary word of the day: Check out

I never thought I'd have to explain this. But apparently I do...

Check out- v. To turn in your keys and receive a receipt for your stay once you are out of the room.


Thus: NO, you cannot check out if you still have your crap in the room! That defies the whole purpose of checking out! Sure, I can print you a receipt, sure, you can pay for your room. But you CANNOT check out unless you are OUT.

and I thought I was cheap...

On the porch of the hotel, there are newspaper machines.. you know, the ones where you put a couple quarters in and it lets you open the box to get one.
Yeah.
I just got to work (at this ungodly hour) and there was a man outside who had pulled up a chair and was READING the top half of the paper in the display.

The paper costs less than a dollar.
No wonder newspapers are going bankrupt.. jeez.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, WHINEDAY

Sundays are the worst. There are always a ton of check outs, and in addition, there's the Sunday Brunch.
Customers also seem particularly grumpy. Had to listen to one woman complain for about 10 minutes about how it's ridiculous that we don't serve coffee and tea after 9:30, and how DARE we not inform her about the continental breakfast.. never mind that 1) we have a sign about it and 2) I'm not the one who checked her in, thus it's not my fault she wasn't aware.

Immediately afterwards, another woman came up and gave a peice of her mind. This time, the issue was parking. Now, Lakeside was built 136 years ago, so parking is really scarce. However, they recently put in a great big parking lot about a 1/4 mile away, and there's a free shuttle service to and from the hotel.
But no, that's inconvenient. and obviously it's MY fault. Or so it would seem, given the way this woman was chewing me out.

*sigh*
And now my cousins are here visitng. They have confiscated my phone, and are sifting through the contents with a fine tooth comb. Luckily everything on there is harmless.... i hope.

Dear Guest,

Dear Guest,

I am more than willing to answer any of your inqueries as to where a special event may be. However, please refrain from getting angry with me when I am unable to assist you due to your inability to provide me with ANY information about said event. Telling me that you have a "breakfast" but you don't know what time, where, or with whom you booked the event does not give me enough information to even know where to begin to look.
And I'm sorry our brunch is at a "stupid" time since you're eating lunch at noon and the brunch doesn't start until 11:30. I am not responsible for the scheduling of the kitchen, and I really don't appreciate your tone.
Signed,
Your disgruntled desk clerk

An interaction I had with a guest this morning

Guest: *ruffles through papers and signs on my desk* Do you have any.... I thought they had said....9:15......*walks away*
Me:...............................


yeah.

I'm quite bored.

New Cafe!

So, a new open air cafe opened behind the hotel today.
To get to the cafe from the front desk of the hotel, one must go down the hall and turn left. The elevator will be in front of them, and on the left there is a door to the cafe.
I've been giving people directions there for the past hour.
Some of the responses I've gotten:

• It's not on the porch? No.
• Oh, through the dining room to get there then? No.
• So we need to go around the building? No.
• Ok! *walks out front door* Erm...

Maybe we're gonna have to print up some maps.

Not at All Manic Monday

It's 8:45 and I'm bored already. Seems that the craziness that was yesterday has passed. Already averted one minor crisis today.... the lack of milk at Continental Breakfast. I totally side with the guests on this one... you can't have a continental breakfast without milk! I got so upset when the dining hall at AU was out of milk during finals week. Just not acceptable.

So, I suppose I can fulfill my promise to tell you more about some of those "teasers" I posted awhile back.

Let's see.. we'll start with:

• Gossip. I am not sure whether it's because I'm a good listener or just a captive audience stuck behind a desk, but other employees love to gossip to me. Usually, it's about colleagues, sometimes bosses, and sometimes about guests, particularly the obnoxious kind. I know who's made about person x's promotion, who can't stand their boss, and what guests were absolute slobs and horrible tippers. I also know when the housekeepers catch a quick cat nap, sneak out for a smoke break, or work through lunch so they can leave early. I do, however, tend to keep this gossip to myself, unless I am instructed otherwise.

• Conferences. I shudder typing that word. Right before our chautauqua season begins, we host 3 conferences right in a row. These are groups from churches of a particular denomination from across the state. Each of these groups have slightly different reputations. The one in the middle consists mostly of young adults, and thus tend to be loud but tolerable, though their rooms tend to be trashed. The first tends to have a lot of big tippers and gracious people, with a few bad eggs mixed in... and the last? Ugh. These are the folks with the biggest entitlement complex, the lowest sense of empathy, and the least patience. Conferences in general means that every employee on the Chautauqua complex is absolutely streched beyond their means. Most people work overtime, and 14-hour workdays are not uncommon. Thus, Conferences are dreaded, and take at least a week to recover from.

Dear Guest,

I regret the inconvenience, but we do not have a room with 2 queen sized beds with a lake view in the $100 price range with a private bath and an attached room.
Let's keep the requests reasonable here, ok? Like... a room with 2 queen sized beds and a private bath? Totally doable. Lake view and attached room? You got it. $100 price range? Sure.
BUT NOT ALL OF THEM.
Good day,
Your disgruntled clerk

*exhales*

Wow. This morning was without a doubt the craziest shift I have ever worked here. 68 rooms checked out. Well, actually, 67, one still hasn't. I should probably look into that.

Some highlights

• The woman who had 5 different rooms under her name trying to settle up her bill. Didn't bother to you know, talk to each of the family members in those rooms to settle up the bill. Had to do it at the desk, with 5 people in line behind her.
• The 3 women sharing a room splitting the check- one paid by credit card, one paid by check, and the third with cash. I don't make this crap up.
• Note to public: if you don't want people to think something *ahem* obscene occurred in your room, don't leave rose petals in the tub and an empty carton of whipped cream in the garbage. Actually, let me revise. Just don't do it, regardless of what you want people to think; many many unneeded mental images
• another note: just because you can't figure out how to work something, doesn't mean it's broken. Saying something is broken when in fact you just can't figure it out makes you look like an idiot, far more than admitting you can't figure out how to work it does.
• This is a 136 year old hotel. An occasional spider is going to get into the hotel. This does not give you permission to exaggerate and tell the front desk clerk that there are "tons" of spiders in your room. Tons does not = 2.
• The fact that your kids were ill last night is lamentable. It does not, however, entitle you to a late check out. Neither does it entitle you to be an asshole when the front desk clerk explains that you don't get a late check out.
• Best overheard of the day:

Toddler: mommy i gotta go potty

mom: go ahead

Toddler: come with me

mom: I can't go into the men's room because I'm a girl

Toddler: Mom, I wish you were a boy.

Independence Day

Happy 4th of July to all!

Today is one of the busiest days at the hotel. I really don't have too much time to post, but I have a story.

Today, a guest approached and the following conversation took place:

Guest: Excuse me, but there's something that looks like dog poop on the carpet upstairs
Me:... oh my. I will let the housekeepers know.
Guest: Well, I told someone who was up there and she said it would get cleaned at the end of the year.
Me: Well, where is it? In the hallway?
Guest: In the hallway, near the stairs on the second floor. There are two spots, they look like dog poop. If you just give me the carpet cleaner I'll take care of it
Me: Erm. We don't give out cleaning supplies to guests. I'll let the housekeepers know
Guest: Well, will they take care of it?
Me: That is up to them. But I'm sure that they will look into it and decide if it is a priority.

I spoke to the housekeepers shortly after.
There are no dog poop piles on the carpet. Which could have something to do with the fact that we have a strict no pets policy.
What did the guest see, then?
Two small stains on the carpet. They are black. They are small. They look NOTHING like dog poop.

That is all.